In The News
RUMSFELD BACKS WOODEN TANKS
Donald Rumsfeld came up with a novel solution to the crippling shortages in equipment facing his troops (or bitches as he likes to call them). When one soldier had the temerity to ask: “Why do we soldiers have to dig through local landfills for pieces of scrap metal and compromised ballistic glass to up-armour our vehicles?'' Rumsfeld shot back with a common sense solution that has wowed all those back in Washington that don’t actually have to fight and whose kids will never be drafted.
The poet of the White House responded thus: “You have to go to war with the army you have and at the moment our army is in a pretty bad shape. That’s why I’ve commissioned a company I have financial involvement with to build a fleet of Wooden Tanks!”
The controversial ‘Wooden Tanks’ are pictured right and can hold only two soldiers at a time. Military hardware expert Granville Onions, theorised thus on the latest bad idea to leak out of Rumsfeld like a handshake with a dictator. “The Wooden Tanks have no armour, apart from the wood itself; they also have no means of moving any where, although resourceful soldiers have cut holes in the bottom to enable free movement in the war zone. It also seems that the only armaments they come with are basic hand tools, the kind you or I would use at home. Basically the Wooden Tank is bum all use in a war zone.”
The White House has refused to give anymore information on the ‘Wooden Tanks’ but sources close to the head monkey have said that the units will be rolled out across Iraq in the next few days and soldiers better quit their whining otherwise they’ll start making them fight with wooden swords as well.
